Marriage in our society is a black box for the bride and groom, a duty for parents, a celebration for our relatives and friends. Marriage, where two unknown people tie knot and promise to love and support each other for their entire life, is an event that is too personal for the two souls getting married to each other but it is not.
What it is and what it should be? There are many questions in my mind such as:
· Why two unknown people marry?
· Why a girl is always supposed to make all compromises and is blamed in case of clashes?
· Why it is assumed that bride’s side is lower?
· Why Dowry? If people expecting dowry, do not get it, they start torturing the bride. Why do they even expect it?
All the above questions are sometimes, but not always, not valid in case of love marriages but there are few more questions that are equally valid in both love and arrange marriages. For example:
· Why a marriage celebration is taken as event to show off?
· Why we put so much money in it when it can be done simply?
· Why we expect/accept gifts?
· Why we invite so many people to the marriage party?
Please help me with these questions if you have any answers...
Thanks in advance.
Merriage has been made simply the money wasting and time wasting affair in our country. People take this simply as a mela arranged by some of there known ones and every one enjoys the private mela as not all public is allowed in it.
ReplyDeleteBride and groom have no knowldge of each other and were bonded together and were expected to be good to each other no matter how the other partner is and put a good good show of their merried life to this non sence Indian society. This is the scene in most of the cases in Our Great Growing India with no courage to speak out on such issues. But still i will say there are few merriges and few couples who are exceptional to this scenario and i salute to them for rising above the nonsence society.
· Why two unknown people marry?
ReplyDeleteThere is a long debate about arranged and love marriages...both hv there pros and cons and its matter of individual choice. No one other thn the two people involved has any right to decide abt it.
Islam has a proper mechanism for this problem which also make sure that the young people never go wayward.
· Why a girl is always supposed to make all compromises and is blamed in case of clashes?
This is age old mentality of Male Dominated Society. It cnt be changed overnight. Its a shame for civilized world but so called civilized world is more prejudiced and cruel towards women in general.
Solution lies n Islam where Marrige is a legal bond between two equal parties not a "janam janam ka rishta"
· Why it is assumed that bride’s side is lower?
Its typical subcontinental problem, In Islam everyone is equal.
· Why Dowry? If people expecting dowry, do not get it, they start torturing the bride. Why do they even expect it?
People are willing to give Dowry but never wants to give a girl her share in the property...
Islam forbds th Dowry and make sure that a daughter gets her share in property
· Why a marriage celebration is taken as event to show off?
· Why we put so much money in it when it can be done simply?
· Why we expect gifts?
· Why we invite so many people to the marriage party?
there is a Islamic way of celebrating a happy occasion... u can follow it and the cause of show off is very simple... its basic human nature that he want to prove his superiority.
Why not show if i have it
It require a great deal of character to stay grounded and the other(those who dont have it) do it for there thr "Naak" the fake Ego.
marriage is a microcosm , a part of the larger picture , in which the world relations work in power structures which depend themselve largely on the economic equationsbetween two individuals . @tabish bhatt - what you are talking about is correct in oblivion i.e when it is seen in abstraction ; removed from the whole structure of the society . You are providing an Ideal solution for a practical problem for e.g. the constitution of India acknowledges bribery to be illegal , we all know the practicality though . So , yes , i agree that the foundation of Islam do give us a practical solution to everything ,if all its ideals are followed in absolutism . well , i think every religion , if followed in absolutism has the solution to every social problem , the issue arises with the interpretation of such ideals and in their application to our society . @ Hifza - marriage is an institution , you need to perhaps read more about the dynamics of such an institution , the factors deciding it and the necessity of it in context to our modern world while also i suppose u need to trace it historically . it might help u in getting an insight into the topic u have been raising and also about the other issues of life in general .
ReplyDeleteDear Tabish, as u have mentioned ISLAM in every point of urs, I know what ISLAM says, but I would be ppleased to know how many ISLAMIC people follow the ISLAMIC rules, I really want to meet them cause I haven't met this kind of ppl yet. Other point is that, this is a common problem and we need to find a common solution.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing, what is the use of studying and analyzing the history? This is a male dominant society as u said before. We know the problem, why dont guys take a step ahead...
ReplyDeleteSo... MARRIAGE....
ReplyDeleteWhat is it? What does the Qur'an say about it?
The Prophet (s.a.) was once asked, "What is more important than prayer?" He replied, "The spirit of prayer" - the spirit that animates the prayer. He was asked what is more important than fasting - he replied, the spirit of fasting. For each question concerning an Islamic practise the answer was the same - because the spirit brings the action to life and unfolds its potentials. Without this animating spirit, the prayer is only movement, and the fasting only hunger. But when spirit enters, when a pure and concentrated intention enters, the action is transformed - the prayer gains the potential to become a miraj (an elevating spiritual journey), and the one fasting approaches towards the potential to witness laylatul qadr (the night of destiny - a night when blessings from the spiritual world descend to this world).
So what is more important than marriage? It is the spirit of marriage, the intention which underlies it, the treasures which it contains hidden within it but which must be brought out and realized by the married couple themselves.
The qur'an provides the signposts and waymarks for learning about this potential. It says:
"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) So the male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person, one spirit.
The Qur'an says: "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187) So a husband and wife complete each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their humanity, a new facet and depth to their personality by entering into marriage and this is symbolized in this verse. Garments also conceal the body and protect the wearer so that a husband and wife are each other's protectors and helpers and each of them safeguards their partner's honor shaping the state of marriage into a haven and a sanctuary where each should feel safe and secure, sheltered in one another's care and guardianship.
The qur'an also says "And of everything we created a pair, that happily you may remember." (Qur'an 51:49) The word for spouse, "zawj", (this is the word that is used in the marriage ceremony, the Nikkah ceremony) - the word zawj literally means one part of a pair - and when the pair come together and act in concert with one another, then concealed potentials within them, potentials that were impossible to realize while they were apart make themselves evident. This is true throughout creation. And human marriage in the Qur'an is considered a reflection of a nature and tendency that exists at all levels of creation. When something is created as one part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other - as the Qur'an states, "He himself created the pair, male and female." (Qur'an 53:45)
The term NIKKAH which is used for marriage is also used figuratively to describe the coming together of various aspects of creation. For example it says, in the Qur'an, that "the rain married the soil" and then it describes how, from this intimate mingling, something new springs forth - that the earth brings forth flowers and herbage, it opens to new creations, new life, new potentials. So the act of marriage, the mingling through NIKKAH, according to Islam, courses through all things, through all of creation. Each pair of the marriage brings something necessary and something unique to the marriage. The pairs are not identical but complimentary to one another and their unique qualities when they are mingled together produce that which neither one alone could produce.
ReplyDeleteSo each individual of the pair undergoes change and transformation when they come together in marriage because marriage is an intimate mingling of the selves, the souls, the personalities and the beings of two individuals.
In human marriage the change takes place at many levels - from a change in lifestyle, to changes in behavior, to changes in the very soul of the person. And there must be that willingness, on the part of both individuals, to allow this unifying transformation to take place. To accept the self the way it is, is to lock oneself into stagnation and narrowness and to remain an individual - not part of an intimately joined pair. It is to limit and lock up the potential, the beauty and strength that is capable of emerging from the intimate unity made possible through marriage
Since "God created everything in pairs", as it states in the Qur'an, and since He "created the male and the female from a single nature, from a single self", it is God that is the point of reference for the married pair. "He has set up the balance..." of all things, so He is to be looked for to set all things in the right equilibrium. If the two partners of a marriage set themselves in correct relation to God then certainly a perfect balance will be realized within their lives together.
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness, and since God is One, "the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger the power of love is within it."
Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness. "God made their hearts familiar" (8:63) through the light of Oneness that yields spiritual love and familiarity in the heart. For love is the shadow of Oneness, familiarity the shadow of love, and balance the shadow of familiarity."
Let this married couple be helpers and protectors of one another, let them be a refuge and a comfort to one another, let them be beautiful garments for one another, and let them together experience the many treasures and beauties of marriage.
Thanks to Ajay Sir for the valuable comment.
ReplyDelete